Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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