Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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