I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
