I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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