i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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