why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
