I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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