I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
