he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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