Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
