Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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