put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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