Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
