i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
