i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
