So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
