They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
