you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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