true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you would pick up someone in the library
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
