My liver just broke up with me...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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