okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
