I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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