How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
