come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize