the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
