i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
