Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
