i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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