How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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