I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
