There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
