if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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