I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
