I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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