You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
