I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
