I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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