True but thats because hes a fetus.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
