She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
His hands were made for my vagina.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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