Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
There's always time for handjobs
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
