Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
