I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just invented taco cereal.
There's always time for handjobs
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
