It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
