today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
