Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
