Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
