that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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