remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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