drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
