life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
