It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
