on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
