i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
