he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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