I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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