theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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