I'm gonna have a badass scar
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
