Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
