You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
