New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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