I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
