Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
