Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
