I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
