I hate your face
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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