My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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