his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
