she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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