I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Randomize
