Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
