Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
