I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You can't just leave with hair like that
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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