I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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