You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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