GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
