How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
