I should be sponsored by Trojan
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize