i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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