these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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