You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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