How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
