1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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