Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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