He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
