That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My penis needs a shock collar
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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